Go Figure???

For the longest time I have felt on the fringes of the “emerging” church.( Editor's note: "Sean, Welcome to the emerging church. You have just confessed the first preerequisite for membership...feeling like a "fringe" something. Welcome aboard man!") I have watched many different congregations attempt to follow the previously designed look of churches such as Saddleback, Willow Creek, and Santa Cruz Bible Church and have participated in forums listening to different speakers describe their philosophies of ministry and how postmodernism relates to what they do. I have often tried many of the different aspects that they have done, but have never felt comfortable. While I may seem radical in the circles that I minister in, I am still conservative in the way that I do ministry. In the past year, I have realized that the way ministry is done is not effective for the generations that we deal with.

My reaction to this was to push the envelope of my denomination. I resigned from my position at a mainline Presbyterian Church and sought to explore ministry in a new context. The form was to develop a house church fellowship group and allow God to lead us in new and exciting ways. The first few months were difficult as we struggled to discover what we were being called to do. During Lent, we had at least one member of our group fasting throughout the season. This allowed us to focus and be directed by the Holy Spirit. Through this time, we discovered who we were and what we were called to be. We were called to form a church that will radically change the way our denomination thinks about what church actually is. We know that we are supposed to be a missional church, but now we actually need to do something about it. Is our idea about evangelism simply putting advertisements in the newspaper, or is it engaging the community and culture around us?

This past month we started a pledge drive with the specific aim at developing support in three areas of our ministry. Those were financial support, prayer team members, and being a member of our congregation. In preparation of this daunting task, I read and solicited advice from many different sources. The books make this process seem awfully easy. One just goes out and gets it. Bam! Just like when Emeril Lagasse puts spice on food. For me, it was a painstaking process.

The first problem was writing the letters for the support. Everyday for over two weeks, I worked on this letter. There were many questions flooding my mind. Was I being too pushy? Did it sound like I only cared about money? Would people really care about what I was doing? I didn’t want the letter to read like a form letter from a book. I wanted it to be personal. I felt that it was important for me to cast my vision to readers in order for them to sense my passion for ministry.

As I sat and wrote the support letters I suddenly imagined the next problem: that the support letter would be in the hands of actual people. What would they be thinking? Would they feel that my ministry was valid? Was I the wrong person to lead this? Maybe they would think I would be better off as a data processor or telemarketer instead of being in ministry. Do you ever have those days that you wished that God called you to do something “easier” than ministry? For instance, my dream of being a Neilson rater who sits and watches all the television programs every night would be a good job.

After they were all mailed, a sense of impending doom surrounded me. Every time I found a letter in the mailbox, I was afraid that that it might be a personal attack on the ministry or myself. My self-esteem was wrapped up in those letters. Even though I am sure of the course that God has put me on, it seems many times that it would only take the slightest of breezes to blow me off track. The reality is that most books and “how to” guides might be able to show you how projects are suppose to be done, but do not consider how very personal this process actually is. During the past couple of weeks, I have been so afraid of opening the envelopes that I actually pass them on to my wife to open them for me, even when I know the responding people are close friends, supporters and family.

Looking back on this whole experience, I cannot get away from the bottom line of ministry being fundamentally connected to our own personal confidence and self-esteem. When people on the cutting edge of ministry attempt new programs and ideas, we put ourselves out there as well. If you have been in ministry for some time, you will see that your confidence and self-esteem will get squashed again and again, and if you don’t see this happening, then you are not pushing yourself enough. One verse has helped me come to terms with the situation that God has placed me in. Ephesians 4:1 “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”

So far, no hate mail yet, and I have come to find out that there are a lot more people praying for me on a daily basis then I ever dreamed. It’s funny how God has a way of keeping His ministry alive and growing. My dream is simple, in fact its stupid simple. I want to make Jesus real to the generation that I live in. Forget following the 8 simple rules of how to run a self-contained church, my hope is to have a church run by the Holy Spirit. The struggle is figuring out how much do I put in and how much do I just hand off to God and let Him do His thing?

Live your life worthy of the calling God has put into your life.

Sean M. Chow

Pastor

Northpoint Fellowship

Oxnard, CA

Pastor.seanchow(at)gmail(dot)com

http://mixmastersean.blogspot.com

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